2016

Happy new year everybody

For you

"Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran"

You look so wonderful in your dress

I love your hair like that

The way it falls on the side of your neck

Down your shoulders and back

We are surrounded by all of these lies

And people who talk too much

You got the kind of look in your eyes

As if no one knows anything but us

Should this be the last thing I see

I want you to know it's enough for me

'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need

I'm so in love, so in love

So in love, so in love

You look so beautiful in this light

Your silhouette over me

The way it brings out the blue in your eyes

Is the Tenerife Sea

And all of the voices surrounding us here

They just fade out when you take a breath

Just say the word and I will disappear

Into the wilderness

Should this be the last thing I see

I want you to know it's enough for me

'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need

I'm so in love, so in love

So in love, so in love

Lumière, darling

Lumière over me

Should this be the last thing I see

I want you to know it's enough for me

'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need

I'm so in love, so in love

So in love, love, love, love,

So in love

You look so wonderful in your dress

I love your hair like that

And in a moment I knew you, Beth

Coxswain!

Finally... 3 weeks of boatman course is now over. No more wet boots, sandy uniform, carrying all the heavy boats, sunburnt, abrasion and many more! However, I'm gonna miss this 3 weeks too... I'm gonna miss the view on the ocean, the clouds, the wind when my boat is going full speed and definitely gonna miss handling the boat. 

Next.. Battalion life, it's a tough road, but I know I can do through Him :) 

Meanwhile, I'm currently listening to Daniela Andrade's music. She's just amazing haha 

Late Night Inspiration

Finally, second week of boatman course is over now. I got sunburn pretty badly. However, my mom went overseas and I'm all alone at home. I decided to pick up my guitar and play four chords, and wrote down whatever came into my mind and make it into a song(somehow). It had been a long long time since I did this! Well, time to get some rest now :) 

On My Mind

"its too bad that we have to part

however, you took my heart

months after months i keep on dreaming

that one day you come back running

into my arms

into my arms

i know that you had move on

and we are not on talking terms

but i hope that one day we are

able to let bygones be bygones

and i shall move on

and i shall move on

ill never forget all the time we spent

your strong vanilla scent

how you laughed at my pronunciation

and of course, all the frustration

we went through

we went through

honestly, you had taught me a lot

trust me, i went through a lot of thoughts

and i will use all these to improve myself

before i find somebody else

thank you for that

thank you for that

never let any guy bully you

because i know you are strong

after knowing you for so long

you are like neil armstrong(oops)

never forget that

never forget that"

Current thoughts

“As a deer longs for a stream of cool water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for you, the living God. When can I go and worship in your presence? Day and night I cry, and tears are my only food; all the time my enemies ask me, “Where is your God?” My heart breaks when I remember the past, when I went with the crowds to the house of God and led them as they walked along, a happy crowd, singing and shouting praise to God. Why am I so sad? Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God, and once again I will praise him, my savior and my God. Here in exile my heart is breaking, and so I turn my thoughts to him. He has sent waves of sorrow over my soul; chaos roars at me like a flood, like waterfalls thundering down to the Jordan from Mount Hermon and Mount Mizar.

May the Lord show his constant love during the day, so that I may have a song at night, a prayer to the God of my life. To God, my defender, I say, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go on suffering from the cruelty of my enemies?” I am crushed by their insults, as they keep on asking me, “Where is your God?” Why am I so sad? Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God, and once again I will praise him, my savior and my God.”

Psalm 42:1-11 

“Does this sound as if I am trying to win human approval? No indeed! What I want is God's approval! Am I trying to be popular with people? If I were still trying to do so, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10

My praise breaks chains

“Upon receiving this order, the jailer threw them into the inner cell and fastened their feet between heavy blocks of wood. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was a violent earthquake, which shook the prison to its foundations. At once all the doors opened, and the chains fell off all the prisoners.”

Acts 16:24-26

Decided to listen to Steven furtick's sermon and what I took away was my praise breaks chains.

If I was Paul or Silas, I would have give up as I would feel forgotten. They were preaching and spreading the gospel and yet they were thrown to jail. However, they did not let their current situation to destroy them. Though their feet were between heavy blocks of wood and their bodies were full of scars, they lift up their hands and praise God. And because of their praise, their chains were broken. Likewise, I'm not gonna let my chains destroy my praise but I'm gonna continue to shout His praise even when it hurts. Time is all I need. Time will show. And when I look back, it's all worth it.

Picking up myself

So... Second day of airborne course! Tired? Of course! However, I'm just glad that I'm able to have this opportunity to go through this course. There are other regulars from other units joined us but they have to go through selection if I'm not wrong. Therefore, I'm thankful. 

“I have told you this so that you will have peace by being united to me. The world will make you suffer. But be brave! I have defeated the world!”

John 16:33

Today, the verse of day is John 16:33. I was feeling discouraged because of some personal struggle... And as I scrolled through my notifications, I saw this verse. It spoke to me a lot as I'm reminded that as long as I stay close to God, nothing can break me down. I will be brave. I will continue to praise Him not matter what as He have defeated the world. 

Just feel so much better after blogging this out. Well, I'm single now and I do not have anymore to text... And I'm extrovert! Therefore, blogging really helps me... Right now, before I sleep, Im using my phone to blog while I'm in camp, so pardon me for my bad grammar. 

Missing it but waiting for it

Advance demolition course is gonna end this week and basic airborne course is gonna start next week. Everything seem so different now. I do not know how to describe... I'm doing good, don't worry. I have a lot of things to be thankful for! It just that I would rather keep everything to myself now and communicate to God only. Army life.... Makes me miss a number things I used to have/do...

1. Doing my quiet time whenever I want

2. Listen to Steven furtick's sermons 

3. Playing guitar almost everyday 

4. Spending my time with someone I love

5. Having someone

6. Jogging in midnight 

I'm sure there's a reason for me to be in this season. I believe that one day I'm able to serve Him and spread His words. On top of that, I believe I will find a girl that will be a huge blessing in my life. Not in hurry though... As I think I need to be alone for awhile and just grow in Him.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.”

Matthew 6:34

Army

Yes... This journey may be tough but I really believe once I get that red beret, I will be a different man... A stronger man. 

Don't stop me

Reminder

Your love is higher

Than the skies up above

Your love is wider

Than what I can dream of

Your love is deeper

It’s the greatest of all

Constantly reminding myself.. How great is He. 

I'm finally letting go

I'm finally letting go, I'm finally letting go
Hands in the air
Let Your love take over
I need a miracle, I need a miracle
Down on my knees, Jesus I surrender

Pain

    God, these few days I just do not know why I feel like crappy. There are certain thoughts in my mind… that I just doesn’t really want to share because I don’t really know if anyone will understand me. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m thinking. Nonetheless, I will still praise You. Though I may be going through a season of darkness, I will still praise You.

I’m hurt and in pain;

Give me space for healing, and mountain air.

Let me shout God’s name with a praising song,
Let me tell his greatness in a prayer of thanks.

For God, this is better than oxen on the altar,
Far better than blue-ribbon bulls.

The poor in spirit see and are glad—
Oh, you God-seekers, take heart!

(Psalm 69:29-32)

Love

Seeking Him

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful, because I come to you for safety. In the shadow of your wings I find protection until the raging storms are over. I call to God, the Most High, to God, who supplies my every need. He will answer from heaven and save me; he will defeat my oppressors. God will show me his constant love and faithfulness. I am surrounded by enemies, who are like lions hungry for human flesh. Their teeth are like spears and arrows; their tongues are like sharp swords. Show your greatness in the sky, O God, and your glory over all the earth. My enemies have spread a net to catch me; I am overcome with distress. They dug a pit in my path, but fell into it themselves. I have complete confidence, O God; I will sing and praise you! Wake up, my soul! Wake up, my harp and lyre! I will wake up the sun. I will thank you, O Lord, among the nations. I will praise you among the peoples. Your constant love reaches the heavens; your faithfulness touches the skies. Show your greatness in the sky, O God, and your glory over all the earth.”

Psalm 57:1-11

I love this song so much :)

Just You

I dk why I am having this weird feeling that I don't really like it... 

But I'm glad that He's always here for me. He is enough for me. 

More than a nice melody,

More than the sweetest of words

This is the love I have found,

And in this love I am found

Never could I comprehend,

The love You so freely give

Never could I be worthy,

But Your love covers all of my sin

I just want You, Jesus

I just want You, my Lord

I just want You, Jesus

I just want You

There is no greater love than Yours,

Nothing else could ever compare

And even if I searched all the world,

I would never find a love like Yours

Reminder

“can say to him, “You are my defender and protector. You are my God; in you I trust.””

Psalm 91:2

Start of something new

I'm gonna be a Commando Demolition! 

Okay, for those that do not know what's that... Basically, I plant bomb and destroy obstacles! On top of that, I will learn to become a boatman. Quite interesting. Only 30 out of 240 people manage to get in! Thank God!

It's okay that I did not get into Leader Course because if I get into leader course... I may not have time for church or for my members. Yes, the rank and pay is higher but this is just 2 years of my life! I really hope to do great things for this 2 years of my life in church! 

I was reading Romans 1 and something impacted me:

“I have complete confidence in the gospel; it is God's power to save all who believe, first the Jews and also the Gentiles.”

Romans 1:16

Thank you God for everything... I love you.

:)

"Your Guardian Angel"

When I see your smile

Tears run down my face I can't replace

And now that I'm strong I have figured out

How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul

And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing

And waves are crashing

And stars are falling all for us

Days grow longer and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

'Cause you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart

Please don't throw that away

'Cause I'm here for you

Please don't walk away and

Please tell me you'll stay, whoa, stay, whoa

Use me as you will

Pull my strings just for a thrill

And I know I'll be okay

Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

NS so far...

People are so busy recently... And I come to realisation that I need to love being alone. 1 month plus in army and I feel that I had grow so much closer to God. He's always there for me when I feel alone at night in army or when I'm pushing myself during training. 

I remembered clearly during confinement week, I felt alone and I just couldn't smile... I looked up into the sky and asked God, "God, if you are here for me, make me smile and survive this confinement." God told me to look up to the sky to see the clouds. It was one of the most beautiful sky I ever seen. I replied, "God, thank you for creating this amazing clouds, but how does this make me smile?" He whispered to my ear, "I created them. If you think that the clouds are beautiful, do know that I created you in my own image. Son, I'm always here for you." I smiled immediately.

There was one night, I remembered I couldn't really sleep well because I was feeling unwell and I miss going to church and just serve Him everyday. Especially being there for my members. I started to sing "Your Presence" and after 10 mins, I felt a cold wind come upon me and I felt as if Jesus was hugging me and comforting me. 

Leila and Gerald are not able to be here for me all the time. I can't able to use my phone any time I want or listen to any sermons. I don't really text anyone that much anymore... I'm being tested for what I had learn throughout these years.

Do I feel lonely? Of course. My bunk mates have gf to support them and all.. However, I have to scroll through my contacts and call people to chit chat.. but I'm going to keep on focusing on God and believe that whatever I'm facing now is going to make me stronger. 

In the upcoming 12 days, I'm gonna have outfield, live grenade and other physical training. I'm praying for healing to come upon me... Have been sick throughout this week bookout and I do not want my mom to worry for me. 

On the other hand, I'm so thankful for army as I have a deeper relationship with my mum and dad. And they were the one that really encourage me to hang in there. Despite their busy schedule, they will always pick up my call and chat with me. To be honest, I treasure them more than ever before. 

God, You are all I want. Continue to be with me... And let every negative thoughts to be clear from my mind. 

Confinement

I survived 18 days of confinement.

I know this is just the beginning and I want to thank God for everything. So many things for me to thank Him... Revelations during training and also comfort when Im going to bed. Thank you Jesus. I pray that you will continue to be with me for the next 5 days.

God, I love you.

For Honour and Glory, Commando
LOL

A Letter To My Cell Group

Hey! This post really goes out to my beloved cell group because I know I won't have the opportunity to share this with y'all. However, if it is possible, you can share with one another and hopefully this will impact you.

Before I enlist, I just want to encourage all of you to really look forward to the upcoming three to five months. There will be a lot of changes, but I know that God has a great plan for every single one of you. There are 3 things I would like to share with you about how we can grow together even though there are many changes.

    1) Stand Together

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel (Philippians 1:27)

All of us come from different background and are brought up differently. which may cause differences within the cell group. As you can see from the verse, it said that WHATEVER HAPPENS, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ! This means WHATEVER differences you have with one another, just know that the Cell Group should be the gospel of Christ. I feel there's a relation between Paul (prison) and I (army). Whether or not I am able to go to CGM or church, I will hear that you are standing firm with one common purpose and that with only one desire you are fighting together for the faith of the gospel.

    2) Comfort Each Other

Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

In order to stand together, you need to comfort each other and edify one another. I know some of you already doing that, which is good! Keep it up! However, for those that does not have the habit; comfort each other not with sympathy but with empathy. Let every member that is going through a hard time know that N520/W537 are here for them and understand what they are feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes. In addition, speak with edifying words. In Ephesians 4:29, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

    3) Love Each Other

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

In order to stand together and comfort one another, we need to love people! Loving is a difficult thing. To be honest, I’m still learning how to love people! All of us are human and we make mistakes. However, this cell group is God’s family. Loving people does not come naturally, however, I believe that if we choose to make that decision to love one another, God will do the rest and move in a supernatural way. Love comes with a sacrifice which means we do not expect anything in return. Therefore, choose love.

To sum up everything, we need to choose love so that we can comfort each other with empathy and this will allow us to stand together for HIM. I love you N520/W537, you guys are my family and I will miss all of you. Text me if you need anything! I will be still here for this cell group just that I will reply slow! Let’s continue to be laborers for Him because REVIVAL is coming. Will keep on praying for you guys.

I need Him

I know, I know my heart

I’ve felt its war within

It lusts and works for power

It’s evil knows no end

My life is nothing without You

I need grace, I need mercy, I need forgiveness for You to make me holy

I must surrender, I need Jesus

I know, I know Your love

It woos and draws me in

It points me to the cross

Where death and life begin

My life is nothing without You

I need grace, I need mercy, I need forgiveness for You to make me holy

I must surrender, I need Jesus

https://youtu.be/YfuHyDO2RGY

New Goal

Recently, I hit me that I am 21. And to be honest, I don’t know what my future will become after army, but I know what my goals are. Coincidentally, I listened to a Steven Furtick’s sermon, Reaching the Goal, when I was having my dinner. He said sometimes in life we set goals in the result we want is that we do not need God. And that is a wrong goal because God always places us in a place where we will need him if not, we will fail.

“⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ-yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:7-11)

And as I am entering the army, I know I need Him because it's tough. And my goal in life, is not to have a big house, lots of money, nice clothes or whatever! BUT, my new goal is to know Christ.

At that point of time, I had a revelation; Paul got closer to God when he was in the prison and I'm not saying that the army is going to be a prison but definitely, I will feel alone. That is when I will seek God and have that hunger for Him. Therefore, I do not see this upcoming 2 years as a suffering, but a pathway for me to know God at a higher level. And because of what Paul went through, he inspired lots of people and I know if I set my eyes on Him, my cg will continue have faith in Him and do greater things for His kingdom.

Dear God, thank you for everything you have given to me. And as I'm entering into a new season, I just want to tell you that I'm going to need you. And I pray that you speak to me and give me strength as I enter into this season. I love you so much and continue to guide me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

-

“For You are my lamp, O LORD; The LORD shall enlighten my darkness. (II Samuel 22:29)

Dreams

Recently I don’t know why I kept on dreaming about my ex. It’s not because I kept on thinking about her or had not moved on but since after Sportify, I started to dream about her. The first week, I kept on dreaming about all the quarrels we had, all the hurtful words she said to me and all the little things she did that made me feel upset (she's a great person, just that... Having a relationship is crazy). That whole week, I felt like I was in a dark place room, alone. I felt insecure about myself. I started to get affected by whatever she said.

For example... She said that

She wants a tall guy, but I’m short. (171cm)

She wants a guy that reads books and discusses books. (I don’t read books at all except for Steven Furtick’s books)

She wants a guy that is pretty serious kind. (Hey, look at me, I'm a freaking joker whenever I was with my friends)

The list goes on and on…

I began to think that I am nobody, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. And the doubts and loneliness just kept on going and going…

Following week, I started to dream about all the good times we had, her smile, her laugher, the moment she initiated to hold my hands and all the hugs she gave me… the dreams were so real. And when I woke up and I realized that I'm actually alone, my mind started to fill with negative thoughts. This kept on going until the 3rd of July and I reached my breaking point. I went to church for Emerge and couldn’t feel anything at all. I decided to talk to Gerald and just broke down in front of him.  As I was crying out to him, I was somehow crying out to God to heal me and take away all the thoughts. However, the dreams kept on coming even this morning.

I just kept on asking God; explain to me why am I going through this. I felt him speaking to me, that it’s the devil trying to create negative thoughts in my mind and  I must not give in to the devil as the devil knows that if he doesn’t destroy me, I will do great things for God.

Well, this post is not about how bad was my ex. In fact, I thanked God for everything in the past. It’s just that everyone has inner struggles and my struggles are self-doubt, insecure, sensitive and many more (I think). However, through my negative thoughts and struggles, I will surrender to Him more and know that I am going to do great things for Him in future.

A Letter From God

        I can't believe that it's July already. How time flies indeed. To be honest, 2015 had been an interesting year. The first four months started off like CRAP! But from May till now… it’s amazing. And through these few months, I really learn that God is real and He is going to use me in greater ways.

        I remember there was one night during April, I cried so badly and I couldn’t sleep. I decided to follow what Sarah Teo taught me, asking God to write a letter to me. Basically, it’s just writing down what God wants to speak to me, as I surrender to Him. I remember very clearly, I was listening to Oceans by Hillsong United and I began to worship as I let the Holy Spirit to fill the living room. The letter went like this…

        “Dear Melvin

                I know these few weeks; in fact, these few months had been tough for you. However, remember this, always let the Holy Spirit lead you. When you are secondary two, I gave you the power of the Holy Spirit is because I love you. And I know you have the capability to lead my people. Think about it, what I am showing you. Why are you going through all this? It is not cause I do not love you, but I want to give you even greater things in the future. In order for me to do that, I have to remove certain things that you loved more than me. I'm upset that you have drifted away from me and you placed your time and energy in the wrong places. However, I still love you a lot and I want you to come back to the path I have prepared for you. Are you ready? Am I enough for you? I know you trust me and you have a lot of faith in me.

                To be honest, I have never seen a guy like your age love me so much. And I promise you, 10 years down the road, I will show the world that you are my son and I am going to bless you abundantly. Be patient, be strong, be humble, be consistent and be decisive. You remind me of peter, huge faith but whenever there is a storm, both of you will shake and fall into the water. Have faith in me, I am the first and the last. I took so many people from Gideon; likewise, I am taking away certain things in your life. Would you have faith in me just like Gideon? With these 300 men, do you trust me? Your baptize name is Gideon, because you will be a warrior for me, a destroyer, a person that destroys all the demons.

        I know it's tough Melvin. Hang in there! Time will heal everything. I love you and you will always be my son. I'm always here for you. Now rest, my son, rest in my presence.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Your Abba, Father”

        I remember clearly, after I read the letter, I just lie down on the floor and just enjoy His presence and praise Him. Indeed, God is real and He will never let me down. Therefore, my life belongs to Him.

Revival

Its 6am. I had sorted out Sportify stuffs… somehow. This is my first time planning outreach event… I am totally clueless on what to do at first. However, I’m thankful for the people that are helping me in different areas. God has really placed great people in my life. On top of that, all of us have a common goal,  “Revival”. 

I'm totally excited for this coming Saturday. 40 new friends had signed up. 1 week ago, I had a vision of 50 new friends. This is something amazing… God is doing something great.

Moving On

I met you on the corner of the street
I smiled before I even heard you speak
I can accept we’re growing older but I guess that's just the way it has to be
I wondered how you still remembered me
I heard you settled down and that you married happily
Do you remember when I told you that I'd love you to the bottom of the sea?
Yeah I know I know it's over but I guess that's just the way it has to be

Sometime in the future maybe we can get together, maybe share a drink and talk awhile
And reminisce about the days when we were still together
Maybe somewhere further down the line
And I will meet you there
Sometime in the future we can share our stories
When we won't care about all of our mistakes, our failures, and our glories
But until that day comes along I'll keep on moving on. I’ll keep on moving on

It's funny how but it still bothers me
I know it's been so long but I did not expect to see oh how beautiful you are
I guess that all that time apart has done you well
But hey I wish you all the best and maybe someday we might even meet again

The One

Forgive Me

I hear you calling out my name, Lord
but I can't look you in the eye
So I, I just stay away
I tried and tasted what's forbidden
and it filled me with delight 
but now I'm still hungry inside

Forgive me, forgive me Lord, for living, like I'm not yours 
I forget, how kind you are
you are light for my foolish heart
(my heart, my heart, my heart)
you are the light of my heart
(my heart, my heart, my heart)
you are the light of my

Oh God, I let intruders into
the garden of my soul
Foxes are running wild
I thought you were holding on me now
to keep me from being free
How could I have been so wrong

Like a runaway, always runnin', runnin' from the pain
Tried my own way to live
to steal what you already give
I gave you the truth for a lie
Trade the sun in for the moonlight
Oh don't let me sleep here tonight
I wanna see you here with new eyes, new eyes

Father forgive me, I forget that I am yours
No other Savior is as kind as you are, so kind to me Lord
Your my light in yours
Your my love and I'm yours [repeat]

Wilderness

Finally, after so many years, I went back to my secondary school and visit my teachers. Actually, not really though, last Saturday the school was celebrating 15 year anniversary so they kind of invited back all the old students for a dinner. I managed to catch up with my secondary schoolmates and all those teachers that I gave so many troubles last time. The teachers started asking me whether I still remember certain situations. For example, they had to constantly punish me in class, reprimanded me so many times, called my parents and so on. To my surprise, I remember all of them and I feel so sorry for my teachers. Nonetheless, I will never forget about their love for me. 

Well, how am I? I guess I am still the same (better though). Recently, I asked God, “God, if you love me so much, take me out of this wilderness”. And guess what, God didn’t answer me. I know God wants me to find answers for myself and reflect why He placed me in this situation or why am I going through this season. A few hours ago, I was scrolling through my YouTube subscriptions and I saw this video, the person was talking about being in the wilderness and he spoke about Hosea 2:14.

“So I am going to take her into the desert again; there I will win her back with words of love.” - Hosea 2:14 

He continued to talk about that God put us into the wilderness so that He can speak to us and nurture us. We all know that wilderness is basically dark and dry… It’s a place where basically no one wants to go right? However, God said that He is going to take us into the wilderness. And he continued by saying about the stars at night; the darker the sky, the brighter the stars are. Anyway, take a look the video yourself; it’s more impactful watching it than reading my horrible English. LOL. (Link at the bottom)

At that point, my whole secondary school journey was reminded. I did so much of crazy stuffs… I will shout back at the teacher, flip tables and chairs… okay, you get what I mean right? I was more of acting tough and showing my friends that I am not weak. The relationship between God and me is the same thing! I will not listen to Him… I will just do whatever I want and not focusing on the things I must do. Of course, I have to face consequences due to my actions. In school, my teachers will punish me. Same thing! God punished me and took away certain things from my life. He hopes that by taking away things from me will make me realize that I am drifting away from Him and I will focus on Him again. But NO! I continue to ignore both my teachers and God. 

To a certain extent, there was this teacher which could not handle me anymore, so he dragged me to one place where there was no one, no distraction, quiet and it was him and me. He did not threaten me like how he did in the class. Instead, he spoke with a gentle voice, “Melvin, you are a good man. You have a bright future ahead. Don’t throw it away because it is not worth it. Listen to me, stop this entire rebellious act and focus on your study. Let me help you.” Thinking about it now, it kind of makes me realize why God put me into the wilderness because He wants to nurture me with love and have an intimidate conversation with Him. By knowing that, I will continue to work towards Him. 

Thank you God
For everything, really. 

See you again

Finally caught a movie... Good movie! I laughed at certain scenes because the stunts defy the laws of physics.

Nonetheless,
RIP Paul Walker.

Voice

This song definitely reminds me of something.
However, a gentle voice spoke to me,
"Mel, you will be alright... trust me. Greater things are coming your way."

GPS

“Instead, God is more like a GPS. He doesn’t trace out the entire route for me to see. He punches in the destination, and then He gives turn by turn directions… just one turn at a time. And you’d better be paying attention, because He usually tells you your next turn less than a mile before it comes up.

He tells Abraham: “Go to the land I will show you… “
No street address, not even a zip code. Just hit the road, and I’ll tell when to make your next turn.” – Steven Furtick

I love Him so much… I’m glad that He is guiding me towards my destination. He had tell me so many times, “Melvin, look at you vision… go and I will guide you.”

Of course, there are so many times I didn’t pay attention to Him… when He asked me to “turn left”, I “turned right”, and guess what? God didn’t give up but He picked me up and created another route for me. Therefore, I am thankful and I will open my eyes in order to receive His words.

He is enough for me… 

Illuminate

There were so many times I experienced crappy moments
I didn’t know where to go
Thoughts just kept filling up in my mind
I cried out for You...
You appeared and whispered in my right ear

“Have faith. Follow me…
I will illuminate the road before you.”

I will remember it

Mess

Oh I'm a mess right now

Inside out

Searching for a sweet surrender

But this is not the end

I can't work it out

How going through the motions

Going through us

And oh I've known it for the longest time

And all of my hopes

All of my own words

Are all over written on the signs

But you're on my road

Walking me home

See the flames inside my eyes

It burns so bright I wanna' feel your love

Easy baby maybe I'm a liar

But for tonight I wanna' fall in love

Put your faith in my stomach

I messed up this time

Late last night

Drinking to suppress devotion

With fingers intertwined

I can't shake this feeling now

We're going through the motions

Hoping you'd stop

And ohhh I've only caused you pain

I know but all of my words will always below

Of all the love you spoke

When you're on my road

Walking me home

See the flames inside my eyes

It burns so bright I wanna' feel your love

Easy baby maybe I'm a liar

But for tonight I wanna' fall in love

Put your faith in my stomach

And for how long, I love, my lover

For how long I love my lover

And now, now, for how long, long I love my lover

Now, now, for how long, long I love my lover

Now now, for how long, long I love my lover (and I feel loved)

Now now, for how long, long I love my lover

I feel it all over now, now and I feel loved

Now now, for how long, long I love my lover

Feel it all over now, now, and I feel loved

Now now, for how long, long I love my lover

Feel it all over now, now, and I feel loved

Now, now, for how long, long I love my lover

Feel it all over now, now, and I feel loved

Now, now, for how long I love my lover

Feel it all over now, now, and I feel loved

Now now, for how long, long I love my lover

Now now, for how long, long I love my lover

Mindset

Carnality vs. Spirituality

Romans 8

Confess

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

I'm confessing this every day... God, I just love being in your presence, resting in your presence.

Rest

I love Your name, it is wonderful
I love Your name, the Angels love it too
I love Your name, it is powerful
I love Your name, the Angels love it too
Hallelujah, name above all names
Hallelujah, You're worthy of all praise
Jesus, name above all names 

Jesus, You're worthy of all praise

I love Him. I know what I must do now. The presence was so strong when I was I praying and crying out to Him last night. At the end of the prayer, He whispered to me, "Now son, rest... Rest in me, I love you." Thank you God for everything. 

Decision

"The road the righteous travel is like the sunrise, getting brighter and brighter until daylight has come. The road of the wicked, however, is dark as night. They fall, but cannot see what they have stumbled over.

My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen to my words.  Never let them get away from you. Remember them and keep them in your heart. They will give life and health to anyone who understands them. Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts. Never say anything that isn't true. Have nothing to do with lies and misleading words. Look straight ahead with honest confidence; don't hang your head in shame. Plan carefully what you do, and whatever you do will turn out right. Avoid evil and walk straight ahead. Don't go one step off the right way."

- Proverbs 4:18-27

I decided to start my morning differently today, which is to download Pastor Steven Furtick last Sunday sermon, “The Great Emoti Con, Moodswingers”, and listened to it on the way to work. Of course, his sermons always speak into my life and allow me to get back on my feet every time I feel like crap. 

Something about me is that my thoughts are my worst enemy because 80% of my thoughts are negative (I guess it is normal for human beings to be negative). Well, I kind of proud of myself because at least I know which of my thought is negative or positive. However, I am not proud that I am allowing the negative thoughts to affect my emotions every night as the verse said, “Your life is shaped by your thoughts”.

Today, after a few weeks of emotional nights, I made a decision which is to listen to His words everyday and remember them and keep them in my heart. I will not give up and I look forward for the rest of 2015. 

Decisive, Strength and Consistency