NS so far...

People are so busy recently... And I come to realisation that I need to love being alone. 1 month plus in army and I feel that I had grow so much closer to God. He's always there for me when I feel alone at night in army or when I'm pushing myself during training. 

I remembered clearly during confinement week, I felt alone and I just couldn't smile... I looked up into the sky and asked God, "God, if you are here for me, make me smile and survive this confinement." God told me to look up to the sky to see the clouds. It was one of the most beautiful sky I ever seen. I replied, "God, thank you for creating this amazing clouds, but how does this make me smile?" He whispered to my ear, "I created them. If you think that the clouds are beautiful, do know that I created you in my own image. Son, I'm always here for you." I smiled immediately.

There was one night, I remembered I couldn't really sleep well because I was feeling unwell and I miss going to church and just serve Him everyday. Especially being there for my members. I started to sing "Your Presence" and after 10 mins, I felt a cold wind come upon me and I felt as if Jesus was hugging me and comforting me. 

Leila and Gerald are not able to be here for me all the time. I can't able to use my phone any time I want or listen to any sermons. I don't really text anyone that much anymore... I'm being tested for what I had learn throughout these years.

Do I feel lonely? Of course. My bunk mates have gf to support them and all.. However, I have to scroll through my contacts and call people to chit chat.. but I'm going to keep on focusing on God and believe that whatever I'm facing now is going to make me stronger. 

In the upcoming 12 days, I'm gonna have outfield, live grenade and other physical training. I'm praying for healing to come upon me... Have been sick throughout this week bookout and I do not want my mom to worry for me. 

On the other hand, I'm so thankful for army as I have a deeper relationship with my mum and dad. And they were the one that really encourage me to hang in there. Despite their busy schedule, they will always pick up my call and chat with me. To be honest, I treasure them more than ever before. 

God, You are all I want. Continue to be with me... And let every negative thoughts to be clear from my mind.