Lately, I'm not able to sleep as early as I want to. The
reason is there are so many things in my mind but I don’t really know what
exactly they are in details. There are so many mixtures of feelings in my mind,
for example, paranoia, anger, sadness and many other sorts of negative thoughts. Any
stuff could just pile on top of it and I don’t really know how to release it.
In the past, I do have ways of releasing it, like boxing and smoking. I started boxing not because I want to kick someone's ass on the road but I just find it interesting and I love it. After my O levels, I have to study for my Diploma which means I do not have the money to continue so I stopped boxing. I started smoking when I was around Secondary 3. I was just doing it out of fun but I didn't realise that it became a bad habit in my life. Since then, whenever I feel stress or rage, I took out a cigarette and lit it up. I can’t explain how the feelings were able to go away but I did that to control myself.
Two and a half months ago, I thought about wanting to stop smoking. I believe that if I stopped smoking, I will able to save up more money and afford to pay for my guitar lessons. The second thought came into my mind was God, my girlfriend, my future and the people that are close to me. That night, I still remember… I smoked my last stick and told myself that it is time for me to find a healthy way of letting out my rage and sadness. Since that night, I haven't lit up any cigarettes but sadly, I am still struggling to find a way to control my thoughts. All I know is just pray and trust Him.
In the past, I do have ways of releasing it, like boxing and smoking. I started boxing not because I want to kick someone's ass on the road but I just find it interesting and I love it. After my O levels, I have to study for my Diploma which means I do not have the money to continue so I stopped boxing. I started smoking when I was around Secondary 3. I was just doing it out of fun but I didn't realise that it became a bad habit in my life. Since then, whenever I feel stress or rage, I took out a cigarette and lit it up. I can’t explain how the feelings were able to go away but I did that to control myself.
Two and a half months ago, I thought about wanting to stop smoking. I believe that if I stopped smoking, I will able to save up more money and afford to pay for my guitar lessons. The second thought came into my mind was God, my girlfriend, my future and the people that are close to me. That night, I still remember… I smoked my last stick and told myself that it is time for me to find a healthy way of letting out my rage and sadness. Since that night, I haven't lit up any cigarettes but sadly, I am still struggling to find a way to control my thoughts. All I know is just pray and trust Him.
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