I need Him

I know, I know my heart

I’ve felt its war within

It lusts and works for power

It’s evil knows no end

My life is nothing without You

I need grace, I need mercy, I need forgiveness for You to make me holy

I must surrender, I need Jesus

I know, I know Your love

It woos and draws me in

It points me to the cross

Where death and life begin

My life is nothing without You

I need grace, I need mercy, I need forgiveness for You to make me holy

I must surrender, I need Jesus

https://youtu.be/YfuHyDO2RGY

New Goal

Recently, I hit me that I am 21. And to be honest, I don’t know what my future will become after army, but I know what my goals are. Coincidentally, I listened to a Steven Furtick’s sermon, Reaching the Goal, when I was having my dinner. He said sometimes in life we set goals in the result we want is that we do not need God. And that is a wrong goal because God always places us in a place where we will need him if not, we will fail.

“⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ-yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:7-11)

And as I am entering the army, I know I need Him because it's tough. And my goal in life, is not to have a big house, lots of money, nice clothes or whatever! BUT, my new goal is to know Christ.

At that point of time, I had a revelation; Paul got closer to God when he was in the prison and I'm not saying that the army is going to be a prison but definitely, I will feel alone. That is when I will seek God and have that hunger for Him. Therefore, I do not see this upcoming 2 years as a suffering, but a pathway for me to know God at a higher level. And because of what Paul went through, he inspired lots of people and I know if I set my eyes on Him, my cg will continue have faith in Him and do greater things for His kingdom.

Dear God, thank you for everything you have given to me. And as I'm entering into a new season, I just want to tell you that I'm going to need you. And I pray that you speak to me and give me strength as I enter into this season. I love you so much and continue to guide me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

-

“For You are my lamp, O LORD; The LORD shall enlighten my darkness. (II Samuel 22:29)

Dreams

Recently I don’t know why I kept on dreaming about my ex. It’s not because I kept on thinking about her or had not moved on but since after Sportify, I started to dream about her. The first week, I kept on dreaming about all the quarrels we had, all the hurtful words she said to me and all the little things she did that made me feel upset (she's a great person, just that... Having a relationship is crazy). That whole week, I felt like I was in a dark place room, alone. I felt insecure about myself. I started to get affected by whatever she said.

For example... She said that

She wants a tall guy, but I’m short. (171cm)

She wants a guy that reads books and discusses books. (I don’t read books at all except for Steven Furtick’s books)

She wants a guy that is pretty serious kind. (Hey, look at me, I'm a freaking joker whenever I was with my friends)

The list goes on and on…

I began to think that I am nobody, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. And the doubts and loneliness just kept on going and going…

Following week, I started to dream about all the good times we had, her smile, her laugher, the moment she initiated to hold my hands and all the hugs she gave me… the dreams were so real. And when I woke up and I realized that I'm actually alone, my mind started to fill with negative thoughts. This kept on going until the 3rd of July and I reached my breaking point. I went to church for Emerge and couldn’t feel anything at all. I decided to talk to Gerald and just broke down in front of him.  As I was crying out to him, I was somehow crying out to God to heal me and take away all the thoughts. However, the dreams kept on coming even this morning.

I just kept on asking God; explain to me why am I going through this. I felt him speaking to me, that it’s the devil trying to create negative thoughts in my mind and  I must not give in to the devil as the devil knows that if he doesn’t destroy me, I will do great things for God.

Well, this post is not about how bad was my ex. In fact, I thanked God for everything in the past. It’s just that everyone has inner struggles and my struggles are self-doubt, insecure, sensitive and many more (I think). However, through my negative thoughts and struggles, I will surrender to Him more and know that I am going to do great things for Him in future.

A Letter From God

        I can't believe that it's July already. How time flies indeed. To be honest, 2015 had been an interesting year. The first four months started off like CRAP! But from May till now… it’s amazing. And through these few months, I really learn that God is real and He is going to use me in greater ways.

        I remember there was one night during April, I cried so badly and I couldn’t sleep. I decided to follow what Sarah Teo taught me, asking God to write a letter to me. Basically, it’s just writing down what God wants to speak to me, as I surrender to Him. I remember very clearly, I was listening to Oceans by Hillsong United and I began to worship as I let the Holy Spirit to fill the living room. The letter went like this…

        “Dear Melvin

                I know these few weeks; in fact, these few months had been tough for you. However, remember this, always let the Holy Spirit lead you. When you are secondary two, I gave you the power of the Holy Spirit is because I love you. And I know you have the capability to lead my people. Think about it, what I am showing you. Why are you going through all this? It is not cause I do not love you, but I want to give you even greater things in the future. In order for me to do that, I have to remove certain things that you loved more than me. I'm upset that you have drifted away from me and you placed your time and energy in the wrong places. However, I still love you a lot and I want you to come back to the path I have prepared for you. Are you ready? Am I enough for you? I know you trust me and you have a lot of faith in me.

                To be honest, I have never seen a guy like your age love me so much. And I promise you, 10 years down the road, I will show the world that you are my son and I am going to bless you abundantly. Be patient, be strong, be humble, be consistent and be decisive. You remind me of peter, huge faith but whenever there is a storm, both of you will shake and fall into the water. Have faith in me, I am the first and the last. I took so many people from Gideon; likewise, I am taking away certain things in your life. Would you have faith in me just like Gideon? With these 300 men, do you trust me? Your baptize name is Gideon, because you will be a warrior for me, a destroyer, a person that destroys all the demons.

        I know it's tough Melvin. Hang in there! Time will heal everything. I love you and you will always be my son. I'm always here for you. Now rest, my son, rest in my presence.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Your Abba, Father”

        I remember clearly, after I read the letter, I just lie down on the floor and just enjoy His presence and praise Him. Indeed, God is real and He will never let me down. Therefore, my life belongs to Him.

Revival

Its 6am. I had sorted out Sportify stuffs… somehow. This is my first time planning outreach event… I am totally clueless on what to do at first. However, I’m thankful for the people that are helping me in different areas. God has really placed great people in my life. On top of that, all of us have a common goal,  “Revival”. 

I'm totally excited for this coming Saturday. 40 new friends had signed up. 1 week ago, I had a vision of 50 new friends. This is something amazing… God is doing something great.

Moving On

I met you on the corner of the street
I smiled before I even heard you speak
I can accept we’re growing older but I guess that's just the way it has to be
I wondered how you still remembered me
I heard you settled down and that you married happily
Do you remember when I told you that I'd love you to the bottom of the sea?
Yeah I know I know it's over but I guess that's just the way it has to be

Sometime in the future maybe we can get together, maybe share a drink and talk awhile
And reminisce about the days when we were still together
Maybe somewhere further down the line
And I will meet you there
Sometime in the future we can share our stories
When we won't care about all of our mistakes, our failures, and our glories
But until that day comes along I'll keep on moving on. I’ll keep on moving on

It's funny how but it still bothers me
I know it's been so long but I did not expect to see oh how beautiful you are
I guess that all that time apart has done you well
But hey I wish you all the best and maybe someday we might even meet again