Hunger

Finally, my first week of internship will be over after Sunday 4 hours shift. Honestly, this week had been a challenging week. Firstly, my job requires me to work on both on my weekends. Therefore, I can no longer fellowship with my fellow church friends after service, and which kind of upset me for the first day. However, thank God for friends and leaders, they had input positive thinking into my mind and I am okay now and I’m not affected by it anymore because I know through this situation I will know how to balance my time and really know how to manage my time.

The second thing that I felt challenging was… these few days, in fact close to 1-2 weeks; somehow I couldn’t feel God presence. It is not because I did not think about God or pray, but somehow when I worship, pray or listen to worship songs, I just couldn’t feel Him like I used to. In previous days, when I called out for Him, He will appear in my heart and just filled me with wisdom, love and strength. However, it did not have for the past few weeks. It made me so hungry for Him that I kept listening to worship songs and just kept crying out to Him whenever I was alone. However, I still did not feel His presence but I know my God is not a forsaken God and He has something to teach me through this situation.

Until just now during men’s meeting worship, I felt His presence like I never felt before for months. At that moment, I realised that I had taken advantage of Him. I know that He is always here for me and I did not have the hunger I had for Him before for these few weeks, because of my hunger for Him this week, I had a spirit encounter with Him during the men’s meeting. I was reminded that I did not find God when I was lost but God found me when I was lost. My life belongs to Him and I need to be consistent in being hungry for Him.

Well, as I am in my work (intern) season, I know God has His reasons in placing me where I am interning for the next 3 months. My hunger for Him will definitely grow for now onwards and it is time for me to go back to the basics; read His word, prayer and discipleship.

“Come and consume, God
All we are
We give you permission
Our hearts are Yours
We want You
We want You”

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

God likes me too

Most of us were taught that God would love us if and when we change. In fact, God loves you so that you can change. What empowers change, what makes you desirous of change, is the experience of love. It is that inherent experience of love that becomes the engine of change. - Richard Rohr

Dry Bones

You can take my dry bones
Breathe life into this skin
You called me by name
Raised me to life again

You can calm the oceans
Speak peace into my soul
Take me as I am
Awaken my heart to beat again

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Alive in me

You move in the unseen
You set the captives free
As I stand and sing
You're breaking the chains off me

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Alive in me, alive in me
Alive in me, alive in me
Alive in me, alive in me, alive in me

Breathe in me Your life
I can feel You are close now
I can never hide
You are here and You know me
All I need is You and I love You
I love You, I love You, I love You

By Hillsong United, Bones

Yes, I did many wrong things in my life and there are so many times I just feel so dried up. Therefore, I am constantly changing to be the better man for people in my life. Strength, consistency and decisiveness, these are the three things I am focusing on. Another thing is I really pray that He will continue to bless me with the ability of discernment. I really want to have all this wisdom from Him. I want to have the ability to think biblically about all areas of life. I guess I really want my remaining life to have a standard that if there will be a new bible, it will take 20 chapters to talk about my life. That is how much I really want Him to be in my life.

Well, guide me & I trust You

Some Quote

"Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act if self-preservation. It's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it?"

Holy Spirit

Hey readers,

                Had a quiet time with God, and it was fruitful.

Acts 1-4:

Basically, throughout these four chapters, I’m just amazed but how the disciples acted as what Jesus told them to do with the power of the Holy Spirit. This means to spread the gospel of God.  

Based on the first few chapters, I learnt that the Holy Spirit is here for me, it is like Jesus and the Holy Spirit works through us. When I read further down in the chapters, I am just amazed how bold Peter is in serving God. He is not afraid in spreading the gospel. He stood up among all of the people and told them that they are not drunk but they are filled with the Holy Spirit as they are speaking tongues. And he went on to even heal the lame beggar and when he performed the miracle, he was arrested. This time, he was not afraid as he was when Jesus was captured and he denied Jesus three times, but he spoke against the priest with power of the Holy Spirit. He was bold… Strong for God

Through these four chapters, I told myself that it is time for me to connect with the Holy Spirit. Yes, I will experience a bumpy journey before I reach my destination. At this point in time of my life, I am really hungry for Him and I really want to be the man of God in my zone or even in my church. I know that there will be demons that going to plan and pull me down but I refused to allow them to enter into my thoughts. I must have faith. This is because faithfulness will be the greatest preparation for me towards God’s will. Thus, I know God will continue to whisper to me in my life. I heard from a sermon saying that the reason why God whisper to us is that God is always in our heart all the time and demons are so far away and that’s why they have to shout to get our attention. Another thing is I should not dwell myself too much about the future or stuck in the past. It is good to have a future goal and all but the will of God is all about right now. For example, obey God right now! I had grown up and it’s time for me to feed myself with His words.

And I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide me. Amen.

Future

Alright! It had been a few months since I really give my future a huge thought about it! During these few months, God really showed many different things He wants me to do for Him. So this is going to be like a draft for my future.

23 years old – SOT after ORD!

24 years old – Get a degree so I can go to the MOE and work as a PE teacher. Meanwhile, I really hope that I will rise up to be a cell group leader and start leading a bunch of youth!

25 - 27 years old – WORK & WORK & WORK!!! SERVE & SERVE & SERVE

26/27 years old – Hopefully to get married at this age

27-29 years old – Enjoy life with my wife (: meanwhile hope to be a leader for a group of members. Be a teacher until I reach my next goal in life

30-40 years old – Aim to be a pastor or a preacher and also to be a great father

41(target age)-death (?) – Move to overseas (Aussie or UK?? Gonna explore!) and stay!! Meanwhile, travel around the world preaching the gospel and visit Singapore once a while to see my family, friends and sheeps.

I do not think this is the end
This could be a new start 

Turned 20!

All of us have different sides…. I totally agree with it because I can be very different sometimes. This is because everyone has a side that they want to show people and a side of them that they want to hide it. It’s like Kelly Clarkson’s song, “everybody got a dark side…” Based on personality testing, I am totally a sanguine. This means that I am totally playful, talkative, optimistic, and carefree and often have many crazy moments… too crazy. However, there is a different side of me that I just want to be alone and negative thoughts will just keep filling inside my head. I will get so emotional sometimes. Of course, I know that everyone has their moment like this. I’m addressing this because I feel that we have to be strong and we have to stand firm on the ground.  It’s okay to feel weak and emotional but one thing I learn from some people is we cannot dwell in this sadness. I’m 20 year old, I got to be strong…

This brings us to 7 may 2014, I turned 20. I had a wonderful time with my girlfriend and friends. When my girlfriend surprised me with homemade cupcakes outside my house, I just smiled and I knew at that point, she’s definitely my dream girl. She got me a watch that can detect my heart rate and calories burned. I’m just very blessed to have such great girl. I just love birthday, not because of the presents but people sending me personal text and just wish me happy birthday. Overall, I’m blessed to have great people around.

Life is good and I will keep on going!

Vesuvius

Finally!!! Three more episodes to the ending of “How I Met Your Mother” and to be honest... I hope it will not just end at season 9. However!!! I really want to know how Ted met his wife. Basically, I followed this show since I was in secondary school and the show had taught me many things, for example, friendship and relationship. I am just glad that I am not ted as I didn’t wait that long to find the “one”. In addition, the show kind of making me feel excited to have my own children in future as I have a lot of stories to tell them (I hope edi doesn’t mind).

One of the speech that ted gave, till now, had make a great impact in me and each time I watched it, I just feel like crying and that speech is from season 8 episode 20.

"Hi— I’m Ted Mosby. In exactly 45 days from now you and I are going to meet and we’re going to fall in love and we’re going to get married and we’re going to have 2 kids and we’re going to love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away, but I’m here now I guess because… I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. Look and if I can’t have them I’ll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because… I love you. I’m always gonna love you, til the end of my days and beyond. You’ll see."

I just can’t wait for the finally episode and I am so ready to cry on that day. I really hope that the rumour of ted’s wife death isn’t real as it is so devastating to think about it. Well, I have faith in producers and all. Thank you HIMYM for the past 9 years as the show has made a huge impact in my life. 

Self-encouragement

"Today's attack just might be tomorrow's advantage."

I'm going to stay strong and win this battle.